A Canadian gal living in Britain with 3 men and a dog. Wine helps.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Followed Her Around

I hope Mom's and mother-figures all over America and Canada had a great Mother's Day on Sunday full of love, laughter and joy; I know for each of you it was different in your own way.

As most of you who follow me probably realize, Mother's Day in the UK was in April this year. 

After a lot of thought, I've finally decided to tell you how my Mother's Day went down.  It was 8:30 in the morning and Molly started growling, which is unusual so I got up to see who might be outside and saw two police officers about to knock on our door.

Immediately I knew it was going to be about Alex (even a step-mother can sense these things, especially when it hasn't been an easy year) and was immediately relieved to see his car parked on the drive;  he was at least home safe.  What was to follow was not going to leave me breathing so easily and would have me reaching for the wine by lunchtime - yes you read that correctly but in my defence I was at lunch with a friend.)  Alex hasn't done anything to get in trouble with the law, please don't think we are raising a delinquent.  Alex has been making some poor choices lately and one of them primarily involves a silly girl.  She is the one who sent the police to our house, and has made countless accusations against him to all their friends, and finally to the police. Because of her (and yes, his bad judgement with the ladies) I had a less than desirable Mother's Day.  I know I'm not Alex's natural mother, but hey... give me a break here.  I don't think anyone would want to wake up to the police at 8:30 am on Mothering Sunday. Breakfast in bed served with Buck's Fizz would have been much more preferable; hell, having my hair pulled out of my head strand by strand would have pained me less.  The first six month's of my life in this country was spent dealing with the police constantly knocking at my door due to Andy's ex making (proven) false allegations about him.  A period in our life that we would like to forget, not be reminded of. 

Andy's ex wasn't a mixed up teenage girl which probably makes it worse (depending on your perspective), and has certainly never apologised;  apologies aside, it is still not excusable behaviour to make up lies about a young man and try to ruin his reputation and everything he is working to achieve.  Alex has taken this girl back into his life, despite a number of other issues that should have him running a mile (however I won't talk about that due to his privacy) and he cannot understand why I'm so disappointed by it all and won't accept the girl in my life, never mind my home (which I had been doing, up until the week prior to Mother's Day, despite my concerns about her behaviour.) I thought our boy was so much smarter but as they say, love is blind.  I prefer moronic. 

I've told him to give me time, that if it works out between them and they make it through the next few months without any drama then I might start to see that she is changing and perhaps we can start from there.  But that is all I'm willing, or able to give and I don't think that is unfair.  He however is not in agreement. 

I normally try to stay away from posting about family issues, however as I keep saying to Alex, this isn't just about him anymore.  That changed the day his girlfriend sent the police to our home.  This page is mine to talk about the issues that I'm going through that I might want to get off my chest.  It's my form of therapy because as much as I'm tempted to, I can't always turn to wine; I would be constantly sloshed these days and what kind of example would that set?    I won't be pressured and manipulated into accepting someone who I am not ready to - and I won't hear talk about how I'm not being a mother to him because I won't immediately forgive and accept the girl he has chosen..  No way; one day when he has a child of his own, I'm sure he will see it differently.  Or perhaps he won't - he might be a very different kind of parent.  But I doubt it. Most of us thought our parents were full of crap when we were 18 years old.

However I always listened to one thing my mom said:  Do not waste your time wanting someone who doesn't want you, or doesn't respect you, because I am better than that.  My mom was right.  I did deserve better and I didn't settle for less. That at least, was one piece of mom's advice that managed to sink in.  I really hope that someday Alex feels the same way.

I read another blog regularly, written by a woman whose opinions I really respect and admire.  She has such a way with words and can combine wit and humour effortlessly when discussing something seriously.  JennyMac really nailed it when she talked about the relationship between parent and child on her Mother's Day post over at Let's Have a Cocktail; (Is it ironic how a number of us bloggers give reference to alcoholic beverages in our blog titles?) I will be curious to see how her writing changes as her pre-schooler grows into a teen...

1 comment:

dawn mclaughlin said...

Having you there is the greatest thing for him to learn by- What a real woman, a great role model and loving lady should truly encompass!