A Canadian gal living in Britain with 3 men and a dog. Wine helps.

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Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Tuesdays with Tasha

For those of you who know me personally, you will know that historically my relationship with Andy's eldest child and only daughter Natasha has not always been the easiest.  If you've been dropping in occasionally to read my posts, especially in the years pre-2010 you might have been able to surmise this for yourself if only because prior to that year I didn't often make reference to her.  I might have made a passing comment in the very early years when she would pop in and out of lives but for the most part I thought it was better to refrain from mentioning Tasha because as I've said, it was a tumultuous time. I use this forum to chronicle my life story, however there are aspects that are private and not for sharing especially in relation to members of my family.

So I had this life with my husband and his two sons where occasionally Tasha would pop in to see her dad or partake in family events.  I could see through her efforts to be polite and knew she barely tolerated me and would have much preferred if I'd fallen off the face of the planet.  In her defence, Tasha was only 12 when her parents legitimately split up, which would have been hard enough at her age however she was also faced with the prospect of my  arrival in England shortly thereafter. It was messy and hard enough for me to accept at times, never mind a hormonal 12 year old who thought she was going on 30.

All of that is history now and for the past three years Tasha and I have been slowly building a relationship; Since she has graduated from university with a foundation degree in law, she has matured in leaps and bounds.  I always thought that with time she and I could be friends however I was hesitant to believe that I would ever feel for her what I do for the boys; after all they have been a constant in my life since the day I met them.  I don't think I'm the only who is slightly astonished that we have become much more than friends and that I have come to love my husband's daughter every bit as much as his boys.  I know it means the world to Andy that Tasha and I now have a good relationship.  One that has progressed to the point where Tasha will ring me when she's upset or needs advice.  I can't help but smile when she's ringing off a phone call and says rather offhandedly that she loves me.  How times have changed.

Tasha recently moved into a house with her boyfriend in Lincoln.  As she has to travel nearly an hour each way to work and does overtime on a Tuesday evening, she has begun staying with me one night a week.   Molly and I enjoy having her company on Tuesday nights and I especially enjoy our chats on the drive to work the next morning. Last week as I was dropping her off we laughed about how far we have come from the days when it was much less than 'perfect' between us.  She reflected on how she used to 'plot various ways of breaking me and her dad up'.  We both grinned and laughed about how pleased we are that she was unsuccessful in her attempts.

I've been known to say many times that I'm not her mother.  I have never, ever tried to fulfil that role in her or her brothers lives - they have a mum. What I am is proud to be her step-mom and most importantly her friend and I hope that never changes.  


Andyman said...

This post is one that fills me with nothing but happiness. Its always been my wish to have a close and united family that is connected, at peace and happy.
I am blessed to have a wonderful wife, that although not their maternal mother, is none the less a great mother in so many ways to each of my children. I know that I see and appreciate this love and I know that all my children and my grandson feels it too..
long may it continue xxx

Laraf123 said...

What a beautiful post (and comment) You have created a very special family. That is more rare in this world than it should be.