A Canadian gal living in Britain with 3 men and a dog. Wine helps.

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Woe is me...

Andy and I landed at Manchester Airport early Sunday morning.  Needless to say I spent most of Sunday sleeping, as I was due at work at 8:00 am on Monday morning.

I've returned to a bit of a mess at work and although I'm trying to sort through it as well as tackle new issues, I'm finding it hard to stay focused on the actual work part.  I'm physically present however I'm finding it hard to give more than that. 

I would say I'm over the worst of my jet-lag, I didn't have a big mess facing me at home upon my return, Molly was delighted to see me, my mother-in-law had a gorgeous arrangement of flowers waiting for me in the living room and yet still I find myself in a really odd place mentally.  Little things are bothering me that probably shouldn't.  But because they are, I'm going to share with you.  If you aren't interested I accept that its best if you stop reading now.

So here you have it:

It's dark when I get up, and cold.  I absolutely cannot stand to hear my alarm go off when its dark out.  I'm supposed to have some warning that it's morning, i.e. a light sky, birds singing, the smell of bacon drifting up the stairs (not that this would ever happen on a work morning anyway).  However I don't like getting up early as it is, never mind when my instinct is telling me it must be 3 am because the sky is still black.  To add insult to injury, this was not happening before our holiday and I didn't get the time to 'adjust slowly'.

I'm getting cranky about the small stuff and I''m super annoyed at myself for it.  However I will not ever concede that it is ok to wipe one's mouth with a dish towel.  Firstly, dish towels are for drying dishes.  It's annoying when I go to dry a clean bowl and find that the dish towel is covered with pasta sauce.  Secondly, its just gross.   I would never want to wipe my mouth with a dirty dish towel but for some reason the boys (including my husband) continually do this. 

I keep thinking of things that people have said to me that I know weren't meant to hurt, yet still did (easily accomplished I suppose since my heart is on display more than it should be).  Knowing themselves that they overstepped the mark as soon as the words were out should be enough for me, yet I still find myself thinking about it, even though I should be used to it.  I do commend myself though for letting certain words slide.  Maybe I'm wrong to do this but I don't want to spend time asking people to try and refrain from saying hurtful things that they probably didn't mean in the first place;  besides this is real life and I've gotten better at deflecting over the last few years.

I'm letting myself down by being a bit lacklustre and not having more direction.  There are lots of things I know I should be doing, yet haven't the slightest bit of interest.  Point in case: the gym.  Something I've lost sight of over the last three weeks and really need to get back to, yet I keep finding excuses for not going.  I think I will rectify this situation immediately, considering I won't even entertain stepping on a scale after our over-indulgent vacation.  Working full time is no excuse.

Speaking of our vacation, I  reckon most of you are probably wondering where I get the audacity to complain so soon after returning from our holiday to Canada.  A holiday where I not only got to meet and get to know my gorgeous little niece with the most infectious smile ever, but where I spent time with family and friends and even got to spend a glorious day and night in the city with my husband on our own, where he spoiled me rotten for our 6th year anniversary (I'm a very lucky girl, I know!).  How right you would be if you are thinking it; I shouldn't feel this way, yet I was feeling it, however in the time it took to write this post my mood has brightened.  I needed a good old whinge and unlucky for you, you were the recipient.  So thank you.  Sometimes a girl just needs an outlet and today it was you.

I will be back tomorrow to post about the lovely day Andy and I spent in Toronto and to show off a few of the brilliant photos he captured.


Laraf123 said...

Feelings aren't good or bad--they just are. We all need to be honest with ourselves and describe our feelings without judging ourselves. I think this helps us move through the blues. Ok, it's easy to give this advice, but not so easy to take it. I often criticize myself for being grouchy or discontented when really the big picture is very good.
All I can say is that life is complicated and multifaceted. We do our best to process it all.

Fern Wimpley said...

Whinge away sister. I love you!
Can't wait to hear about your trip.
And remember, more good times are ahead!

JBrown31 said...

With the view discretion warning at the beginning of the post I was expecting much worse paragraphs to follow... there was nothing there to worry about! And blogging is therapy for most of us... spill it when you need.

dawn mclaughlin said...

It's always a little rocky getting back to a routine after a holiday, regardless.

But I'll back you up on the dark and cold thing. I was sulking about that myself this morning!!!


Anonymous said...

I don't even know what whinge is, but feel free to keep 'whinge-ing'....I know I sometimes felt out of sorts after getting home from our month long vacations, and while I couldn't explain it, things that I once thought were fine annoyed me, and I was just in a pissy mood in general. Hope things start feeling 'more right':)