Low

I haven't been sleeping much in the last week.  I'm either restless and can't get off to sleep, or I wake up from bad dreams.  These dreams however are more than just dreams, they are reality.  Last week I received the news that a friend of mine had died very abruptly and for reasons that are unclear.  It took a day or two to kick in that she was really gone;  It's hard for me to still believe it. 

A good family friend, someone who is like another mom to me has had to say goodbye to her only brother - the last of her immediate family.  I feel sad for her, yet she is strong and I know she will be ok.  She has the love and support of a wonderful daughter, a good husband and many friends and extended family who will look out for her. 

And today I've received word that a friend who has been struggling with her emotional health for some time  has reached another low point and has needed medical attention for the 2nd time in three months.   This friend is a fighter and has survived events that some people would never have recovered from.  I will offer my support and pray that she works through this and finds peace again.

I think all this disconcerting news would make the strongest of us feel low;  because I tend to worry about matters out of my control, I can only surmise that this is why I'm not sleeping well and have been suffering from headaches over the last few days.  I can bear the headaches, in comparison its nothing really.

Yesterday mom saw her oncologist and received word that her treatment has been very successful and that she is doing really well.  The medication she is currently being given every three weeks (intravenously) is strictly preventative;  although she is experiencing some bizarre symptoms that the oncologist was able to explain, putting her mind at rest.  Either way she is feeling much more bright about the future and for this I am relieved. 

I can't wait to go home in a few weeks to see her and spend time with her and my sister and brother.  Of course I will see a few friends, however as I'm only staying two weeks this time I will be focusing predominately on family this time around.  I know it will distract me from all the sadness that has been weighing me down.

Also, I'm really looking forward to all the time I will get to spend at the gym;  between my mother and my sister I will have no excuse not to get in lots of workouts.  I've been exercising long enough to know that working out makes a body feel so much better.  Tonight a brief run on the treadmill helped to clear my head and was better for me than the big glass of wine I really wanted.