Happier to be me

I want to thank you all for your comments and emails that were full of encouraging and kind words. It means a lot to know that I have really good people in my life. I have, however, made the decision to remove my last post as it was written during a rather dark moment. That post did what it needed to do for me personally, and I have filed your comments away in a very special place. With the help of expressing myself and chatting to some of you I have begun to sort myself out and get my ample ass back in gear.

I feel much better already, and hopefully my next little emotional 'glitch' won't happen for awhile. But I am also going to take the steps required to do what needs doing, and knowing I have my friends and family for any needed support, makes it that much easier. I don't think having someone objective to talk to about any issues I may have around inheriting a ready-made family (with two teenagers and a less than happy ex-wife) in a new country, etc. etc. would hurt at all.

There is nothing weak or embarrassing about admitting you need a little assistance to get through some things in life. I've always known that, especially when it comes to other people, but now I know its right for me.

They wanna put me in rehab but I say No No No

The past week has been full of strange days. Last night while picking up a few groceries, Alex and I had the pleasure of frequently being in the same isle as a young fellow who was either drunk, high or mentally challenged (yes I should probably have been able to figure out which, but it wasn't easy) who kept us entertained with the above mentioned tune. He also had a constant monologue in place as he carefully picked out his groceries. His care in choosing his product is what led me to believe that he was probably the latter, however the fact that he kept muttering that he was ready to fight with whomever wanted to roll, gave me the impression he was either drunk or high. Either way, I didn't spend too long trying to figure it out as a) I didn't want to blatantly stare, and b) quite frankly it was none of my business so long as he didn't step out of line with Alex or myself (or anyone for that matter).

Last Friday I went in to work to have my colleague tell me to 'look in the box' in reference to a big red container that was placed in the middle of the floor. Now I don't know about you, but when someone tells me to look in a box, I'm more inclined to do just the opposite. Turns out there was a squirrel in the box that had been hit by a car that morning and another gal we worked with couldn't bear to leave it in the road. Now the squirrels over here are not like those in North America. They are BIG. And cute. And it broke my heart to see it laying there in the box so obviously hurt and frightened. I think N thought she could help it but it was obvious that its back end was useless. When she took it to the vet, they informed her they are not legally allowed to release a squirrel back into the wild as they are considered vermin. Nice. However this little guy wasn't going to make it back home, even if they would let him go, so he was put down. Nice ending to an already dissapointing week.

My husband did however take me away to Warrington on Friday where he keeps a company flat to stay in while he is there from Monday - Friday. Its the first time I've seen it since he's taken it on, and I'm pleased to say that I'm going to be spending a lot of weekends in this so obviously hip and child free environment. Its a great flat, very modern and minimal. I like it. Another bonus? Its close to both Wales and The Lake District. Come on summer, even then we'll happily bring the boys along.

In Limbo

Its over. Five seasons. At least I have the whole series on DVD and can watch it however many times I want. I'm speaking of Six Feet Under, one of the most brilliant pieces of television ever made. I was way behind schedule when I finally decided I wanted to watch this much-raved about show and was thrilled when Andy bought me the first series. I received the 2nd and 3rd series for Christmas and bought the 4th and 5th shortly after myself. Some nights I stayed up till 2 a.m. (or later) as I couldn't bear the anticipation of waiting one whole night to begin again.

Last night my sleep was very broken as my mind kept returning to scenes from the final episode and I couldn't even talk to Andy about it because he is still back in season two. It was one of the saddest, yet gripping finales in television history. I think the way they decided to end it was so befitting of the show and it didn't disappoint. It didn't leave you hanging as to what might happen to the characters once they are out of sight. It had a sense of finality most shows don't leave you with. I'm still feeling overwhelmed by it all to tell you the truth. I'm a little sad they only ran it for five seasons. The complexity of the characters is unmatched in any show I have yet seen. Its hard for me to remember sometimes that these people are not real, and have moved on from 6FU. Now I just need to. Thank God for Prison Break and Lost.

Would you like some water with that?

Today as I walked into the changing room at the gym, I overheard a 'mature' woman grilling another 'mature' woman about where she was from originally (India). She was being friendly enough, but very direct, and I could tell the lady being interrogated was being polite, but really wanted to get to her workout. When she left, the interrogator turned to me and said 'This place is really becoming international isn't it?'

I don't know if 'this place' meant the gym, or the area, but you should have seen her face when I grinned and said 'It certainly appears so'. If only I'd put on my Scottish accent.

Somethings are so easy. Some things aren't.

Today I walked into my new office and was so taken aback to see that my utterly fantastic boss had bought a stash of diet coke for me, to be kept in the staff fridge. Some people are so damn thoughtful and kind. While others...

After a long, strenuous fight that unfortunately had to involve the kids, but not lawyers, Andy, all three children, and I will head to this place for our summer holiday as a family:





Halkidiki Greece. We leave to take the kids on a much deserved vacation at the end of August. Just seeing their excited faces is reward enough. I think we are really going to have a ton of fun :)

Time Out

This past week has been a trying one for both Alex and I. Teenagers are complex creatures and our fourteen year old is definitely one of them. There was a constant battle of wills going on in our house for a few days last week and I think I was fair in releasing a sigh of relief when the came for him to go to his mother's.

A friend of mine has been suffering depression of late, which has been exacerbated by the fact that her 12 year old daughter is very difficult to deal with, constantly mouthy, refusing to do anything, etc. etc. I can understand how my friend is spiralling into depression, especially since her husband offers little help in coping with the kids. I have 100% support from Andy, and I was still mentally exhausted on Friday evening after just 2/3 days of it.

Lets hope that this week is better for us, because I know Alex is a good kid, and although I enjoy the occasional whinge myself, being considered a nag by a 14 year old kid is a role I never envisaged for myself. I don't know if it was better or worse that I was spared all the hard work of babies and toddlers, but I've had loads of experience with wee children, and although they too can be trying at times, it still comes easier to me than older children. My mother's motto to the new moms who came into the creche with a penchant for complaining about how 'hard' it was is this 'You think you have it hard now? At least you know where they are and what they are doing at all times'. I'll add this tidbit of my own: 'Yes and at least they are still small enough to manhandle them into their rooms' But be it toddlers or teenagers, sometimes 'reason' isn't something you can factor in at all.

After all the tension last week, Friday night found me happily downing a few pints and glasses of red with the team from work. To say that my speech was yet again slurred upon arrival home is an understatement. But I was stress-free and happy so who the hell cares?

Although experiencing a slight headache yesterday, Andy and I enjoyed our child-free day and met up with friends last night for a Mexican feast. This morning Andy joined me at the gym where I signed up for a year-long membership. After working out for an hour we lunched at the Harvest Moon and are now enjoying a few quiet hours with Molls (who is enjoying her new bed) before our lovable teenager returns.



I came across this: Banana Bunker, on another blog, crabmommy, and although its a great idea, I just can't imagine packing it in a child's school lunch as its a little obscene. Or maybe thats just the view of us dirty minded folk

Running around with earache

This week at work has been exceptionally busy, and Alex has had various appointments that I've had to attend with him. Add to the fact that I'm watching Six Feet Under on DVD at almost every opportunity (I'm hooked!) plus trying to squeeze in a few other favourites not on DVD such as Prison Break and Lost, not to mention walking the dog, I've got very little time for much else, well other than cooking and housework.

This evening though, I finally managed to get my ample ass out for a short jog with Molly. It was only meant to be a walk, but I figured the exercise could only benefit us both. Try telling that to my chest. Not jogging outside (or on a treadmill for that matter) for awhile + being asthmatic does not make for a good combination, but I'll get over it, if for nothing else than the fact that exercise feels good, at least once you get back into the swing of things which is something both Andy and I have promised each other, as well as ourselves. I miss exercising and come this weekend I believe I will once again be the owner of a gym membership. Andy has beat me to it, but he only has himself to worry about while he's away all week ;)

I am however feeling rather vindicated in the fact that I am busy with work, its giving me more focus and drive and less time to laze around. Laziness really does beget laziness. Not that I was ever particularly lazy, but I had a lot of extra time on my hands that I thought I enjoyed. Now that I'm working more, I have less time to spend on housework, laundry, etc. and am having to do it in the evenings and for some reason I seem to find more energy to do these things. I'll have even less time when I go back to the gym. I just have to make a concerted effort to ensure my little Molly doesn't suffer as a result. Things should be changing again work wise in approximately a month, whereas I believe I will only be working 3 full days and off for two. At the moment I'm working 3 full days plus two 1/2 days.

At the moment it is 10:30 and the girl from two doors down just knocked on my door asking me to join her, her mom, and sister (et others) over at the Harvest Moon. They all looked great and were feeling good but as I'm in my old sweats and Alex is 'recovering' from having a mole surgically removed yesterday (and being a bit difficult) I figured I best give it a miss this time. As its the second offer in recent months I'll make sure to go next time around.

Tomorrow night I'm off out with the the gang from the new office and after the week I've had (dropping my gorgeous, leather turquoise bag in a puddle this morning is just one example), I must say I'm looking forward to it. Add to the fact that its mine and Andy's child-free weekend, I'd say its time to break out the party hats, or at least the massage lotion and handcuffs.