A Canadian gal living in Britain with 3 men and a dog. Wine helps.

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Friday, January 16, 2004

About Last Night
So.... I got absolutely and utterly inebriated while out with Andy and his work pals. Andy told me to pace myself but I didn't listen.... I cannot handle my drink when I mix my liquor as well as drink them very quickly. I know this... I just got carried away. It was so nice to be out with other people enjoying ourselves and putting a little 'rest' to our problems with the ex-Mrs and my emotional fluctuations. I just wanted a release from it all and as a result I made things even worse. I naturally did not want to leave the bar when Andy did and the result was nasty. Ironically enough the cab ride home is the last thing I remember, and that is vague at best. Andy informs me that I was horrid to the cabby... and upon arrival home absolutely rotten to him... to make matters worse I got the drunken dials and apparently called his parents at 1:00 a.m. F**K. In between all this I apparently found the time to puke my guts up - something that NEVER happens. Today I have been nursing a hangover from hell (something else that never happens), however that I could handle... what I'm having a hard time coping with is my humiliation and disappointment in myself for my behaviour - how old am I???? Sadly, the only person who could understand where I'm coming from is in Colorado Springs. I know some of my other friends get drunk and stupid sometimes, but not this bad... or as often. Only one other girl can relate to this shit. And like me, I know she spend the whole of the next day beating herself up. I just hate the fact that I've done something so moronic to the two people I love so much here in England. I'm sure Dave isn't too pissed about it, however I know it couldn't have impressed Wendy and I hate the fact that she might think poorly of me. I guess tomorrow I will know when I can bring myself around to seeing her. Part of me thinks that she's not gonna hold it against me forever, or judge me just from this one incident, but I'm sure her good opinion of me got knocked down a lot of pegs. And my mother - Lord she would be so unimpressed with my behaviour. Drunk is no excuse, however I'm a good judge of being drunk, as I've been so enough, and I know that I do things when I drink that I would NEVER, EVER do sober.

Spinning the CD Way Too LOUDLY

To make matters worse, the guy next door has a major problem with cranking his stero up way too high. Now if its in the middle of the day, I don't really care, and I can tune him out most times. It does however get on Andy's nerves and he has had words with the young ass in the past. The couple upstairs have a big problem with him too. This evening he was absolutely blasting his music when I heard a pounding on his door (Andy was out). It was the girl from upstairs asking him to turn it down as she had someone coming to view her flat as they are trying to sell it. He wouldn't answer the door as usual. He never does when his music is up. He turned it down but as soon as she was backupstairs it was on again - resulting in her coming back down. Nothing was working. I went out and told her he doesn't come to the door when you knock, for all the good that did. When Andy got back he proceeded to go out in the hall when the girl's BF was down banging on the door telling him in no uncertain words to cut it out. Profanity was flying left right and center and the nut said if he opened his door he'd be liable to stab Dean and Andy. (Not his exact words - they were much more rude). The music finally stopped however. Moments later a knock came on our door. It was buddy from next door coming to apologise. He was obviously drunk. Andy should have let it go, but he proceeded to get into it BIG TIME... and was threatening to fight the guy.... it was absolutely ridiculous. I told him to close the door and leave the guy to it... I know Andy is tired of it all, and does not need the added stress, however this situation got way out of control. We don't need this on top of everything else. I'm glad he saw sense and listened to me. The next time the young fellow next door starts up, I will handle it. I can keep my temper in check and getting loud with him obviously doesn't work.

The Bottom Line:
Jolly Old England isn't proving to be quite so jolly for me. My stress levels are way up. Instead of helping Andy to de-stress re his divorce situation, it seems to be hitting me two-fold. Enough is enough already - I don't know how much more of this I can take. It only makes me wonder 'what the f**k is next??? I can't help but think of home where my life was realitively stress free. I've never in my life experienced this kind of shit. I wonder what in the hell I've gotten myself into by coming here. If I didn't love Andy so much, I'd be booting it back to Canada where everybody I associate with is SANE. That at this moment in time is not an option. Let's hope next week is better.

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