For Every Season

This time, two weeks from now, I will have spent my first night back at home in Nova Scotia, at my mom& dad’s house. I will have slept alone, in my sister’s bed, because Stacy will be in Toronto meeting and spending time with our beautiful Clara until the 31st of March.

This trip home is unexpected and won’t be the usual holiday because on Thursday 1st April my mother is having surgery to remove a cancerous lump from her breast. Initially I had a hard time coming to terms with it but it’s a truth I have to face: my mom has cancer. (From this point forward though I will refer to the lump as that bastard)

I got the call a little over three weeks ago from mom informing me that her biopsy results had not been good. I will never forget that night. It was a Friday evening, and Mom and Dad were flying to Toronto to meet and spend time with Clara. They had known since the previous Wednesday but waited to tell me when they knew Andy would be back from his business trip (they know I don’t handle bad news well).

Of course there were tears; on both sides. I spent that weekend being frightened to death over what this could mean; one thing was abundantly clear though, I was going home. No way could I sit here in England whilst my mother faced this. No, she isn’t alone, she has my Dad, two of my sisters and my brother with her, not to mention a whole slew of sisters and friends. But to sit 4000 miles away and not be able to hug her and support her – no way, it just wasn’t going to happen. It took me a few days, but I got my head around the fact that I had to be strong and more importantly, positive. That is what’s going to help mom beat this bastard – positivity. So in the last few weeks we have been helping mom get on with everyday life (she celebrated her 62nd birthday on the 9th).

I waited until mom met with the surgeon last Wednesday before booking my flight as I needed to know her surgery date. The relief in her voice when I told her what day I would be flying in was clear. I can also hear that same relief in my dad’s, Stacy and John’s voice when I speak to them as well. My family needs their eldest daughter and big sister right now, and I’m not going to let them down. I will sleep beside my sister each night with Daisy curled up between us and let her know that I will always be there for her when she needs me; the same goes for my other sisters and brother. Dysfunctional though we may be, we all love each other and will always be there for one another. And together we will all give mom the support and love that she needs.

Well, now I’ve finally shared this with you all. My mom is sick and I’m scared, we all are, but we are a strong family and we will get through this together, even those who have to root for mom from afar. That’s what love is.

So… once again I’m going home; and we are going to kick that bastard’s ass.

The presentation could be better...

Connor and I had a great time in the kitchen early this morning putting the ingredients together to bake this Raspberry Cheesecake.  We had Patsy crooning in the background and the chicken enchilda chilli was bubbling away in the slow-cooker.  This was our first attempt at making this type of cheese cake (I've made mom's low-fat lemon one before) and I don't think we did a bad job at all.  It certainly tastes nice. 

Now I will just need to invest in a cake stand and bakinig paper so I can actually take it off the cake tin it was baked in.  Next week I'm going to try making another type of cheesecake that may or may not work, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. 

I will however, need to do double-time at the gym if I keep this up.

I'll stick with Chinese and Indian thanks...

I meant to blog about this for a few weeks, but something has cast a huge shadow over us these last few weeks and I've been very preoccupied so blogging has taken a back seat. I'm trying to rectify that now, so please bear with me.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I didn't feel much like cooking and as Andy obviously didn't he asked if I wanted to go out for something to eat. I didn't. It had been a long day at work and I just wanted to chill. The alternative was to order in, which basically leaves you with the option of Chinese or Indian as I don't much like pizza from the local pizza houses. (The stone-baked frozen ones from ASDA are much better).

Anyway, I'm rambling again. We did end up ordering a pizza as it had been a long time since we'd ordered from the local pizza house and thought we'd give it another try. When the food came we noticed there was an extra pizza (fish so we couldn't even reap the benefit of that) and a garlic bread that we hadn't ordered. We figured we'd call them after we finished to inform them of their mistake just in case they were wondering where it had ended up, and dug into to our mediocre pizzas.

Five minutes later the phone rang and this is what I heard from our end of the extension:

Andy: Hello? Yes, we received our order. Yes there was an extra pizza. That's right. Yes, and a garlic bread. (Pause) Yes. Well my wife mistakenly took a bite out of the fish pizza before she realized it wasn't what she ordered. (Long pause) What? Well sorry but it’s been eaten.’

He hung up the phone turned to me and said 'She was actually going to ask for it back if you hadn't taken a bite’.

I have one word for that: GROSS. And needless to say, we will never order from that place again. Ever.

Brand New

She has had her perfect little baby finger wrapped around my heart from the moment her mama told me she was on the way, back in June of last year. 

We have been patiently awaiting her arrival and my heart is full to bursting over the fact that this beautiful, incredible baby girl is now part of our family.

Welcome to the world, my sweet niece; I want only to be an Aunty you feel that you can come to for any reason, no matter how far apart the miles might take us. I will be your champion for so long as I shall live.

I love you baby girl, and I'm so glad you have blessed our family.

Clara; born 13th February 2010

Sleeping Beauty

I'm not being biased when I say that she really is perfect. 

Five Minutes

Lately, when we have been letting Molly out in the back garden she takes the opportunity to drag her body across the wet, often mucky grass.  She doesn't walk, she doesn't roll, she gets down on her side and pushes herself along - don't ask me why;  maybe she's hot and the grass is cold.  Obviously today she decided to push her face along at the same time. 

This was the result after not even five minutes outside:

We can be thankful at leasts that its just mud and not fox shit.

(Sorry, there just isn't a better word for it)

Not for a bottle this size

I will go home today after work and I know Alex won't forget to remind me what day it is.  I always make him pancakes on this day, but today I won't be partaking in the event because I like mine with Canadian Maple Syrup (ironically the only kind you can easily get here, as golden syrup isn't the same) but at £4.49 (almost $10) I don't have any in my cupboard.

Unless I change my mind on the way home and  stop at the shop.  I can always use what's left to make home-made baked beans which I've been meaning to do anyway.

Birthdays

Today, my father-in-law Dave turns 69.  I wish him the very best on his birthday.  Its also Mom2's birthday, but you never say a lady's age - so Happy Birthday Sheila ;)   But today isn't going to be just thier day any longer; my sister has been in labour for quite awhile now and I'm certain today is the day she and Taylor will hold their baby girl in their arms.  Thus making it not only Dave's and Sheila's birthday, but baby Clara's as well. 

(Funnily enough Wendy, my mom-in-law shares a birthday with my younger brother John)

The other evening, when we knew that Tawny was going to be giving birth shortly (although its taken much longer than any of us had hoped), Mom started recording how much everyone thought the baby was going to weigh in at.   Tawny would have screamed if she'd heard Alex say a whopping 11 lbs before he saw the look on my face and amended it to '9lbs'.  So far he is guessing the heaviest weight.  Most of us are giving a reasonable 7.10 (me) or 8.2 (mom).  As they were walking out the door I heard Alex ask his dad what he would get if he won the bet.  Andy's reply:  'A cousin, now get in the car'.  (I'm still grinning.)

When Connor found out Tawny was due to have the baby at any time he immediately asked if she was going to refer to him as her cousin. I answered in the affirmative, because the baby will be a lovely little cousin for the boys.  Connor expressed his pleasure at having a girl cousin and then commented 'even if I have to wait two years to meet her.  It will only be two years right?' 

Even if I don't have a child of my very own, I'm so proud that we can give the baby two big cousins who will love and look out for her.

Namesake

Andy asked me a question the other night in relation to some paper work he needs to fill in. The question was in regard to where my mother was born and was an easy one to answer: Burin, NF. He then emailed me yesterday to ask me what town my dad was born in. The best I could come up with was his house, somewhere in Alberta. Why this information is missing from memory is bugging me. Did I ever even know? Please tell me I’ve just forgotten. It’s not that big of deal but it has me wondering, do most of you know the exact place where you parents were born? Both parents and not counting if they were both born and raised in the same town as you – that’s too easy.

I can tell you how many brothers and sisters each of my parents have, their names, and the names of any children they have, and trust me, between them both, that’s a lot of extended family to remember. Of course I have to stop and really think about it on my dad’s side because I've never met most of them. When it comes to mom’s side of the family, I can even name the great-grandchildren of my Nanny, Clara because we all stay in touch and see each other pretty regularly (or at least when I get back to Nova Scotia).

Which now brings me to this: It had been about five years since the last of Nan’s great-grandchildren were born; the last being our little cousin Carter, who sadly died the same year he was born (yet we know he’s safe in Nan’s loving care); and the wickedly wonderful twosome better known as Brendan and Lucas – cousin Wayne’s twin hurricanes. The twins have just turned six years old:

Lucas & Brendan

(I can't get enough of these two when I go home)

Five years later, (in July of 2009), our beautiful cousin Tracy gave birth to a lovely little boy she called Nolan, who I had the pleasure of briefly meeting on a visit home when he was only a few weeks old.  I only wish I'd gotten to seem him more: 

Nolan at approximately 1 month old

As many of you are aware, Sunday is the due date for my sister’s baby. The first grandchild for my mom and dad (of course they look at Alex and Connor as their grand-sons, however this is the first grand-baby for them). And what makes it even more special is that Tawny and Taylor are having a girl. A girl whom they will name after the matriarch of our family, our Nanny, Clara. Although Nanny had loads of grand-daughters, it’s been quite awhile since a little girl was born into our family (Nanny only has two other great-granddaughters) and everyone is looking forward to meeting her. I know I sure am and I can’t help but wonder if by this time next week she will have made her appearance.

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Every night and every morn some to misery are born; Every morn and every night some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night - William Blake

Not like me...

Yesterday, on the way home from work I decided to nip into the grocery store to pick up a few items as tonight I want to make beef stifado, a yummy delicious greek stew made with garlic, shallots and cinnamon.

The shop was just beginning to get a little crazy as it was after four on a Friday.  I tried not to rush through, as I wanted to make sure I was collecting everything on my list.  The isle containing cheese and dairy was ridiculously crowded with people queing to push their carts through and I was breathing  a sigh of relief that I only had a basket, even though people kept banging into it.

Once I hit the wine aisle I took a few deep breaths as I selected a pinoit grigio (amazingly this isle had hardly anyone in it - strange for a Friday, but apparently people were more interested in food than booze).  It took all the will-power I could muster not to twist open the top of a bottle and take a swig before facing the produce section, which was also jam packed.  Once my basket was finally complete, I headed toward the checkout only to breath a sigh of relief at my good timing:  the cash right in front of me had only one person being checked through, without much on the belt; this was lucky because every other check out was crazy busy. 

As I was nearly there I saw someone rushing for this checkout out of my peripheral vision and hastly speeded up only to get my basket on the belt first.  As I unloaded my stuff I couldn't bring myself to look at the person behind me, but noticed that they only had three items to unload.  Three.  Whilst I had about 15 (mind this was a regular check-out, not one of those with a 10 items or less restriction).  Then I glanced up and realized it was an older man.  One who was smiling at the family behind him and I wanted to crawl under the counter in shame.  Would it really have been so bad to let him in front of me?  But by the time I had noticed all this, my stuff had all been unloaded;   I just chose to wait to be checked through and was not my usual chatty self with the cashier as I was feeling guilty for racing to a checkout to beat an older man.  I just wanted out of there. 

Some of you may not find this such a big deal, but I honestly hate the push and shove society we live in and abhor the thought that I am among those ranks.

Blackpool, your turn is coming

Last Friday I woke up and breathed a sigh of relief that I had the whole day off - a whole day to enjoy most of the things I did when I had Fridays off prior to full-time; so before getting ready to hit the road with Andy to where ever it was we were going for my surprise birthday present I did the following:  Enjoyed a coffee whilst watching one hour of tv before I did a little housework and then headed to the gym, where I met Beryl first for a coffee, then worked out while she was having a few treatments at the salon.  We both felt so good after that we had a healthy lunch together before I went home to have a bath and get ready for my evening out.

It didn't take me long to realize we were heading toward Sheffield.  I really had no idea what the night ahead held for me, but I had been thinking along the lines of either a show, such as Dirty Dancing, or a concert; With it being Sheffield I was leaning toward the concert. 

Andy and I got checked into our hotel, changed and headed out;  Walking toward the tram stop I asked if he would now tell me what the score was so I could start to get a little more excited.  He made the silly mistake of telling me we were going to see Paulo Nutini, because I was filled with glee at that thought, however he quickly realized his mistake and clammed up.  As we waited for the tram he passed me the tickets.  I looked at them and couldn't quite process what they were: it looked like tickets to Strictly Come Dancing, The Live Show (this is the original and British TV program that Dancing with the Stars was copied from).  I didn't know what to think at first, because I still had Paulo on my mind, but as we chatted about who was going to dance etc, my excitement started to build.  Although I do enjoy watching the program, it means a little bit more when I see the actual professional dancers, as I have been fortunate enough to see quite a few dance live before at the Wintergardens here in town (before they pulled it down).   

I was curious to see how they were going to set things up in an Arena, and was pleasantly surprised at the whole set - it was almost identical to that of the show despite not being in a ballroom.

The whole show was amazing.  Of course my favourite dances were the Latin and Charlston.  I cannot tell you how I would love to learn the Charleston and wear the fab dresses worn in that era.  

After the show Andy and I went for Mexican food and didn't waste any time feasting on nachos, fajitas and burritos with a lot of quacamole and re-fried beans on the side.  After a few Corona's and Margherita's I was ready to bust, so much so that I didn't eat anything the next morning while we were out spending  my birthday dosh.

It was a great evening out, something different and new and I love my husband for taking the time to treat me to a night out at an event a lot of men wouldn't be dragged to;  But then again my guy isn't most men and besides, he wasn't complaining since most of the women were wearing next to nothing.

The Gift of Friendship

This past weekend has been non-stop for us, which has been a good change really as other than the Christmas rush, etc Andy and I have been taking it rather too easy on the weekends. 

The facial I had on Saturday was fantastic, its been a very long time since I've had one, and oh how times have changed.   I do believe I will be treating myself to another of these before the year is out. 

So after a good workout and a very relaxing and cleansing facial (part of my gift from Dawn & Robert) I was well ready for a night of good food and great company.  The chef for the evening was our dear friend Robert (the second half of my very generous gift) and let me tell you, you'd be hard pressed to find a better service offered at most high end food establishments.

I had an idea he was going to make me scallops, but never did I imagine they'd be big fat Canadian beauties that tasted as good as the presentation! (Well I kind of did, considering it was Robert who was cooking).

I tried to savour every bite and make it last as long as possible.  I haven't enjoyed this rarity since I was last home in Nova Scotia. (Scallops are not so easily obtainable here in this fishing town ;)

Of course, we chased everything down with a delicious wine that I can't wait to get my hands on the next time I indulge.   Andy and Dawn really enjoyed their starters as well:

Andy and his camembert cheese.

It was such an enjoyable evening, we just ate and drank, chatted and laughed the evening away.  We are making plans for an awesome summer, planning to do a little mountain climbing in the Lake District with these great folks, and have even started talking about the possibily of them joining us for a trek out to Nova Scotia the next time round.

The lovely Dawn and Robert

Two happy girls

Me and my man

Sunday was taken up with lunch out and grocery shopping, before we got ready to head over to Hull for the evening to spend time with Sophia, Paul and their little angel Madelana.  We were treated to another beautiful meal as Sophia always lays out a gorgeous Greek Feast for us.  After the weekend I honestly didn't think I was cabable of eating another bite.  (Like that would ever happen, lol)

Madelana after her bath - a little beauty; I could just hold on to this one forever

Molly was a happy girl herself as she accompanied us both evenings, considering these households both contain her best friends, Carter and Maebh.  Poor Maebh (Sophia's dalmation) cried after Molly as we were leaving.  You'd think I had the baby tucked up under my coat or something or maybe it was all the left-overs Sophia had us laden down with. 

And this weekend the celebrations are due to continue, as Andy is taking me away on Friday evening for the night - to do what is still a mystery I will fill you all in on after we return.

My hair is saying it all...so I don't have to

This week I've thought of a couple of different ideas to prattle on about but for some reason I just can't seem to summon the energy to put a half decent post together;  and that's pretty pathetic really as all I actually do is work all day, come home and cook dinner, maybe walk the dog (if one of the boys hasn't and besides, I like to walk with her), do a bit of tidy up, make lunches for the next day and squeeze in a workout.   So many other bloggers seem to do a lot more than I do and still find the time to post.  But they aren't called Jody :)

This week I've just been tired and I'm not the type of person that will go out of my way to wear myself down because everything I need to do can quite frankly, still be done tomorrow.  Tonight  like most other nights this week, I just feel like soaking in the bath.  I'm not even going to work out tonight although I really should to burn off the extra WW points I've used today, but you know what?  I'm not.  I could be eating a whole tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream but I'm not doing that either so I won't give myself too hard a time.

Tomorrow I'm only working  half a day. I will come home, take my girl out for a nice long walk, enjoy a light lunch and for the first time in five months, go to the salon and get my hair sorted.  Did you hear me??? Five months -wtf?  (Its a long story) And get this... on Saturday I'm being treat to a facial as an early birthday present and that's not going to come too soon let me tell you. I won't even tell you what else is going on this weekend (I'll save that post for another day).  Its just going to be so damn good to be looked after.

It never gets old

I've been living in England for six years now.  Most times I hardly notice the accents of my family here but every now and then I am reminded of it. 

For instance:

Today I was climbing the stairs to my bedroom and overheard the following conversation: 

Connor:  'Uggh...Alex!  You stink... you are such a TRAMP.  You are a disgusting tramp!!!'  (This was yelled in tone of voice that oozed such distaste.)

Alex:  Laughing his ass off.

Its just so funny to me because I was reminded of how us Canadians might say things such as 'you stink' and then throw in a 'gross' or 'disgusting' but throwing in the 'tramp' was so typically English I love it. 

Slightly Bitter

As I'm writing this post I'm sipping a black coffee.  Black.  With no milk and no sugar.  I have been drinking it all week without sugar, but only now just decided to try it black as there was no milk on hand.  And its not that bad.

Upside down  

Despite having an enjoyable, relaxing weekend I find myself trying to pull myself out of a sadness that snuck up on me yesterday around mid afternoon.  Luckily I had enough distraction to keep me focused: the lovely Beryl joined us for dinner (I cooked Beef Wellingon and we enjoyed a delicious raspberry and creme brulee cheeseake with some red wine for dessert); and afterwards I soaked in the bath and chatted to my mom.   The heaviness started to subside and I was feeling more optimistic; and then I woke up this morning feeling worse than I had yesterday.  I just wanted to crawl back into my cozy bed, pull the covers up to my neck and go back to sleep.

I don't know if it's just the time of year added to the fact that while out shopping with Andy I tried on a number of dresses and nothing fit, absolutely nothing.  I know I'm carrying some Christmas weight, but for God's sake I was good all last week and had managed to get to the gym four times. Four times people.  So I'm trying to just breath in, and breath out, and tell myself that its just a little set back and by later today I will be feeling fine, and back in control of my dietary intake.  Tonight I will force myself to go to the gym because no matter how I feel prior to working out, I mostly always leave the gym feeling better. 

Conflicting Snowballs

As most of you have probably been made aware, large areas of Britain have been hit with an unusal amount of snow.  In certain areas of Canada, most people would find what the Brits are calling the Big Freeze kind of amusing.  I do, and yet I don't.  I live here and I realize that England just isn't equipped for this kind of weather i.e. cars don't have winter tyres, salt/grit isn't readily available and you rarely see a plow; but at the same time I can't help but be thrilled with the small amount of snow that has fallen periodically over the last week, and continues to stick around. 

As an East Coast Canadian, I love the cold crisp air and winter-like scenery.  It's just enough really. I don't miss having to go out in the mornings and dig my car out from under two feet of snow, then get myself shovelled out of the drive before beginning a treacherous journey into the city.  I can't help but shake my head at the amount of schools that have closed and people who aren't turning up for work because of the icy roads;  I do realize that most are frightened and not used to these conditions, and I do get that this is not the norm to here and try to remember this as my SUV slips a bit on the side streets and I just laugh it off;  after all, this is small potatoes for me.  I do however wish we did have winter or all-season tyres because the tyres on our SUV are practically useless even with the 4x4 turned on.

Now... what I'm particulary enjoying is watching the children out enjoying this white novelty.  Molly sure as heck is enjoying it - we've all be having fun with the massive snowballs out on the field.

 

It is a bit of a mixed bag of fun though, watching the kids enjoying themselves;  While on one hand its great looking at them all playing in the snow, constructing massive snow balls and having snowball fights,  when they do something stupid like roll one of the big ones directly into the middle of our street (even though I did chuckle when Andy rang to warn me, the more adult and sensible side of me realized what a risk this could be); and driving home this afternoon I was often distracted watching the kids walking home from school firing snowballs back and forth across the road.  Although I love seeing the joy on their faces whilst they enjoy this rare occurence, I cringe at the thought of one hitting a car and cracking something.  Visibility was bad enough without having to worry about stray snowballs (I do realize that snowballs aren't likely to cause much damage, however there is a small possibilty of something going wrong). 

In the meantime, so long as this winter-wonderland lasts I'm going to make the best of it (cause thankfully it won't go on until April) and tomorrow Molly and I are going outside to make a snowman that will certainly rival that of the one next door.

Brew Full of Denial?

For all of my adult life I have not been a tea or coffee fan. I have been told by my mother that as a child I used to like dipping my toast in her tea but ever since tasting both as a teenager I was pretty certain that an addiction to either was never going to be a problem.

Now as many of you are aware this doesn’t mean that I only consume beverages that are good for me as I do tend to over-indulge on diet coke. I’ve always managed to excuse putting this toxin in my body by explaining to people that I at least don’t drink coffee or tea; that water and diet coke were mostly my beverage of choice. (Let’s not mention alcohol at this point in time)

A few months ago my mate Sarah and I happened to be on a training course together and as it was a bit chilly in the large room that the presentations were being conducted in, I thought I would try and drink a hot coffee loaded up with milk and sugar to warm up a bit. (I’d done this in the past in emergencies as I find that a lot of milk at least makes it like a latte; well sort of. And lattes I love – especially Hazelnut or Vanilla flavour). By mid afternoon I had drank two more coffees and had decreased the milk and sugar allotment by at least half.

I can now drink a coffee with just a bit of milk and only one sugar. My goal is to get it down to no sugar even though I love it milky and sweet; and to think I once scoffed at my husband, his family and even mine (I found out this past spring how much sugar my mom and Aunt take in their tea) for having such a sweet tooth. I do however not want that much sugar and as I have managed to reduce my sugar/milk intake over the last few weeks, I believe I can reach a point when I actually enjoy a coffee without sugar. Maybe. I’m still trying to figure out how I even let this happen, how I’ve actually come to enjoy a nice, hot cuppa coffee. I know my friend Sharon was floored the morning we had breakfast at the hotel after the Lincoln Christmas Market and she saw me drink a coffee. It's the norm to see me crack open a can of diet coke at the breakfast table.

But I’m not a coffee junky, no way; and like my diet coke, I drink it decaffeinated whenever possible. I drink these things because I like them… not because I have to. Ok when it comes to diet coke I will concede, I’m definitely addicted to that.

But I am not addicted to coffee.

I can think of the few good reasons to enjoy coffee besides its taste:

It’s way less fattening then a latte; it costs a fraction of the price of a latte; its sociable to meet friends for a coffee, or enjoy a coffee after a good meal out.

The not so great reasons for enjoying coffee:

It’s yet one more negative substance to put into your body; I have to think of the extra calories it adds to may daily caloric intake; it stains teeth (I know, so do diet coke and red wine); its just one more craving I did not need; it goes so nicely with chocolate.

If you can think of any more pro’s or cons, feel free to offer them up.

Sliding into 2010!



On New Year's Day, whilst a ham was roasting in the oven, Andy and I decided to coerce the boys to come for a walk with us and Molly in Hubbards Hills; in case there was enough snow we threw one of the sleds in the boot.

We weren't overly surprised at the number of people who'd also decided to take advantage of such a crisp New Year's Day and it turns out that the hills, although not quite covered in snow, were in fact icy enough for sledding. We had in fact seen a few people slip and fall including all three of my boys. Luckily enough, no one was hurt.



We found an awesome area for sledding and the boys found a few cast off pieces of cardboard that they used for a few goes, until Alex decided to go back to the car to get the sled. We stuck around for an hour or so watching the boys fly down that hill as Molly gleefully chased after them. Crowds of people often gathered to watch, joyfully laughing as Molly slipped all over the place trying to catch the boys. I don't know who was flying down that hill faster, Molly or them. Even more amusing was the way she would pick up the sled at the bottom of the hill and carry it back to me, wherever I happened to be standing. Eventually I had to go to the top of the hill to receive the sled and hold Molly back until the boys got themselves sorted.



They kept asking me to have a go but as I had hurt my back on Boxing Day, had to decline as much as I was dying to jump on that sled. Eventually Andy gave in and took a turn, laughing every moment of the way through. I held my breath as I was snapping photos, just praying my old boy wouldn't hurt himself.



As we were walking out of the park one family passed us and told us it was so great, watching the fun we were all having. It made us all smile, and more importantly, it just re-affirmed to me how blessed I am to have such wonderful men in my life, what a joyful life we all have. Molly and I sure are lucky girls.

The Last Day

Last night I was taking what is seemingly becoming the norm around here now which is my hourly long bath; after I had done the usual, made a few calls, sipped my wine, paid the bills etc all the while topping myself up with hot water,I got to thinking about the year gone by, and the year yet to come.

For many of our close friends and family, it has been a wonderful year if only for the reason they have been given one of God's greatest blessings: a baby. In comparison to everything else that might be going wrong, how can a family be kept down in the doldrums when they have such a beautiful gift amongst them.
Yet for so many I realize that it hasn't been a particularly great year especially when it comes to health and losing loved ones. For myself, the past year has been one of the best yet, but in some ways one of the hardest. For Andy and I as a couple, it has probably been one of our best. Financially we have been hit in the solar plexus and it seems as if we are still trying to get our breath back, and will be for some time, however aside from our finances we've had a pretty good year.

It is when I think of those of you who have had to say good-bye to a loved one that I am able to take deep breaths and get on with life when I think of the one agonizing issue I had to confront this year. I choose for a number of reasons not to write about this issue on my blog, nor anywhere else that is accessible by the public. I realize there are many other blogs out there devoted to just this exact subject and although some might find them helpful, I try and not visit them often as it results in a number of mixed emotions and at this point in time I believe that the best thing I can do for myself is just get on with it. I don't want to go through life angry; I had resigned myself to the fact that I will probably have to go through life sad, at least deep down, but that is something I just don't want to do either.

So as the last eve of the year is upon us, the one where people often scramble to come up with resolutions that most don't even intend to keep, I have decided to promise myself one thing, and I must see it through: This year I'm going to do all I can to accept that while some dreams certainly do come true, others don't and that we can't always have what we want, no matter how the heart longs for it; that life really could be so much worse.

I hope that the end of 2009 gives you all something good to reflect back on and that 2010 brings with it all the love you need and the strength to pursue your dreams.

Because when you look at the bigger picture, life is good.

Christmas Crackers

Our champion 'ball-roller' having a hot-chocolate break after a few hours of baking.

Christmas this year seemed to have approached at an astonishing speed and the week before found me scrambling to do that bit of last minute prep that so many people had sorted out a lot sooner than me. Connor and I had done a fair bit of baking but
my Christmas shopping didn't actually get finalized until Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve is and always has been my favourite part of Christmas. This year was no exception and was actually lovely and quiet, just visiting with family and friends and of course Andy and I went out for my favourite, Pad Thai. Christmas morning found us having a lovely breakfast of Champagne and Orange Juice accompanied by omelette's before the crowd of relatives descended on our doorstep for what turned out to be a food fuelled and fun-packed afternoon and evening. We ended our Christmas night by playing Pictionary and Cranium. I didn't think it could get any louder than it did that night - until Boxing Day night, when twice the amount of booze was flowing.

I have eaten way too much, managed to fall once (hard) and not take nearly enough exercise. To top it all off I haven't had a BM in days (yes, you just heard me right - this is my blog and if I want to say that I will). So needless to say I'm not feeling very comfortable.Yesterday I thought a good-work out and lots of coffee would sort me out, but as my back and knee are giving me gyp, the work-out wasn't so successful and nothing else is working. So I assume this feeling of being a bloated cow will have to continue on for slightly longer.

The last two days have been spent very peacefully with just Andy and I hanging out with Molly, walking and trying to recover from a very crazy three days. Game-playing with the Allenby's is quite an event and can leave you reeling for hours; I thought my family were competitive and cut-throat at board games! The last few days have got me thinking that one of these days I'd love to have a showdown between the Allenby's and McDonald's at one of these games. I would have to give Molly plenty of time to take cover though.

Christmas Memories

This weekend we managed to get the tree (cut fresh from a farm about 20 minutes down the road) and I have to admit, it is the most perfect tree. EVER. Six feet tall, full and so fresh you can smell it as soon as you walk in the living room. So the house is now decked and I can't help but get nostalgic about Christmas traditions - new and old. I stumbled across this meme and in my attempt to blog more (I hope you've noticed) I thought I'd give it a go.

(My boys loading up the perfect tree)


1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Ummm I'm not a lover of either - the sound of Egg Nog just puts me off but I would love to try it as its supposed to be creamy and delicious.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Children or not, the presents are wrapped - even the ones in the stockings. Its always been done at my childhood home and its a tradition I will continue with.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
As much as I love coloured lights - they look so pretty, we have white on our tree.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but if I had some I would

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Two weeks before Christmas. With a real tree you don't want to do it much before then.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
Although its not really a dish, the tray of pickles, cheese and meat my dad always had waiting for us on Christmas Eve after we got back from church. I believe my sister still carries on this tradition in her own home.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Oh my, where to start? I loved how in the dark of a very early Christmas morning one of my siblings would shake me awake. We always had to wait till everyone was up to start opening presents, but I loved it. I can't believe there are households where the kids just open their gifts as they wake up at different times. Of course Christmas Eve is and always has been my favourite time although it got a little harder for me after we lost Nanny - such a big part of Christmas Eve was going over to see her.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Probably the year my sister figured out the Santa in the mall was my dad, even though I was oblivious - by this time I was also starting to notice that Santa's writing strongly resembled that of my parents. However I continued to hold out hope for years after and was kind of sad the year my mom asked me if I would like to help her wrap the gifts for my siblings (there was always a ton of wrapping!)

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes!!!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
White lights, sliver and crystal beads; the decorations are all silver, black or white.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it!! Wish there was more than just a 1% chance of it happening in North East England :)

12. Can you ice skate?
Of course I can! But not well.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
From my very young years: My big yellow barbie van (dad and I spent ages putting that beauty together on Christmas Day) As a grown up? Anything people have obviously put a lot of thought into.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Spending time with family - unfortunately my own family is very far away.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Anything chocolate. Sorry but I can't stand Christmas Pudding - such an English tradition and one I wish I could partake in.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Since I've moved here - going to pick out the tree with the boys. I like how Andy and I usually go out for a quiet meal on Christmas Eve. And I've carried on the family tradition of opening a present on Christmas Eve.



17. What tops your tree?
A star.

18. Which do you prefer: Giving or Receiving?
Giving, especially when I know its the perfect gift for that someone.

19. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
I can take or leave them - unless you are talking about Candy Cane ice-cream which I might as well forget about as you can't get it here.

20 Favorite Christmas Movie(s)?
Elf, Love Actually, The Family Stone, The Holiday. I really need to watch Miracle on 34th Street the whole way through one of these years!

21. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
O Holy Night... I can still remember the man that sang it at the Christmas Eve Mass one year. It was so haunting and beautiful. I've yet to hear anyone sing it like he did.

If I don't feel it, I can fake it!


Last Friday the girls and I went to spend the day at the Lincoln Christmas Market. We'd made sure to book in at a hotel so we could all enjoy a glass (or two) of the mulled wine and German beer. I had no idea that champagne would be on offer and we certainly indulged; why not? Its Christmas and the four of us were together, in the bright sunshine at the Lincoln Christmas Market, within the castle grounds - how cool is that. You just don't get that option back home! I especially loved how all the stall holders were dressed in clothes that would have been worn a few hundred years ago. It was truly a magical day and I took great delight in nearly everything we encountered that day.



On Sunday our dear friends Sophia and Paul came to visit us with their daughter and I honestly could not get enough of this beautiful little girl:




I honestly have to say, its been nearly a week and I'm still thinking of our day spent with one of the most adorable, sweet natured babies I have ever known. I asked her parents if they would consider making one for me - I'd happily take her but they seem to have already grown rather fond of her.



Today we go to pick out our Christmas tree. This afternoon will be spent getting the house decked out and possibly I will do some baking. I'm going to take my best crack at finding all the Christmas Cheer that I can. And failing that, there is always a toddle of Bailey's to help me along :)

Its a little stressed at our house today...

Wavering



I've come across other bloggers who have participated in this 'challenge'

The purpose is to list 10 things that make you happy and then pass it on to ten people in the blogging community. I've taken it upon myself to follow suit however I won't be tagging anyone; You all know who you are and one thing that would make me happy is knowing the little things that make you happy :)

With Christmas coming and my emotions being all over the place, I thought I'd take a stab at it so I could focus that much more closely on the good aspects of life and this upcoming season.

So here goes - 10 things that make me happy:

1. Being snuggled up in bed on a lazy Sunday morning reading with Molly curled up at my feet.
2. Pad Thai (especially since I don't get it enough!)
3. Babies - any babies but especially the sweet adorable ones who like to be cuddled (even if it kind of makes me sad at the same time)
4. Travelling with my husband
5. Being with my family back home.
6. When the boys ask me to bake for them.
7. Bacon sandwiches (I know!!!)
8. Long walks with Andy, Molly and co.
9. When I've had a kick-ass work out
10. Meeting the girls for coffee

I Owe it to Myself

Well, I have to be honest with you about something. If you go to my gym, you will probably notice one thing. I haven't been there.

I haven't come down with a terrible bout of illness, I haven't been too busy to make time for it. I've just not been there.

Granted last week my insufferable back was acting up, but that doesn't excuse my not finding the time to get there on the five other days of the week.

I tried on a top yesterday that when I first bought it back in the beginning of this year, was a bit tight under the arms. I managed to have said top fitting me quite nicely by the spring. Yesterday, it felt a little bit snug again. One week away from the gym and this is what I'm faced with? Life is hard sometimes (but of course we knew that already).

So my goals for this week are:

A) Eat less
B) Drink less alcholic beverages
C) Work out at least 3 times.

That's not aiming too high at all.

The Path Not Taken

I honestly really want to know (and this is not a ploy to see how much readership I have as I’m pretty certain it’s a remarkably low number) how many of you spend time thinking of the roads you’ve chosen to walk throughout your life compared to the road you could be walking right now but aren’t because you decided (maybe at the last minute) to change direction.

I tend to think of things like this sporadically and have done so all my adult life really. It could be a direct reflection of the fact that I am a procrastinator who has a tough time just deciding what shoes I want to wear in the morning and still wonders if she should have went with the little red heels despite being two hours out the door after choosing the comfortable black flats. I don’t often spend a lot of time emulating on past decisions that have brought me to the place where I am because I’m mostly fulfilled (because I don't think anyone is really living a life where they have absolutely everything they ever dreamed of). But sometimes I wonder if there really is a parallel universe out there, where I’m living a completely different life from this one and if in that life I am content, or even happy, or if in fact its all gone completely wrong.

For instance:

What if I had stayed with my first serious boyfriend, a guy who I loved in a shockingly unbalanced way. Neither one of us was what you would call temperate in the relationship which proved at times to be so tumultuous it resulted in the very best of my 20 year old self being drained of all reason. I had to make a lot of tough choices in that relationship, some which come back to haunt me even now, 16 years later. But I wonder if we would have been able to work past our issues, grow into the reasonably mature adults we are now? Probably not. We just didn’t work together and because I at least had the ability to see this, I ended it. But say we had ended up together and were still together - how would I cope with living with a man who has just been handed a death sentence? I’m sad for this man, sad that he is dying when after spending the last 15 years trying to sort out his life, of finally settling down and getting married and having two sons he has found himself knocking on death’s door. But at the same time I’m relieved that I’m not with him, relieved that I didn’t have to live a life of struggles and hardship, only to have him die on me.

I sometimes think of the life I might be living if I hadn’t decided to move to England. It’s hard to comprehend at times, it really is. Because I don’t think I could be any more content. Although I miss my family, I know its not forever and I have to take advantage of living this experience while it lasts. If I had gone down another road with the man I debated marrying prior to Andy, we might have three children by now and live in a house by the sea, but nothing could make up for the fact that his family were just a group of self-centred assholes and having children within this family wouldn’t make up for it. (When you marry someone, you marry their family – my husband learned that the hard way during his first marriage.) I’ve instead chose to live my life with a man who came with a ready-made family - a family who accepted me immediately and whom I love and respect more than anything and whom I know give me that love and respect straight back.

I know I’m not out there living in another dimension, happier than I am now. Life has lead me to where I am and it’s a path I would turn around and take again if given the chance. It’s not always been easy but I don’t believe it’s the easy road that necessarily leads you to the best places.

The Non Debate (at least for me)

Working for the National Health Service gives me access to a lot of information regarding the Swine Flu Vaccination and naturally because I work in health care we are strongly being urged to get vaccinated.

I used to work in a large Nursing Home and took the Flu Vaccine on two occasions out of feelings of obligation, however I stopped doing so after the 2nd vaccination.

I'm not pregnant, I don't work directly with patients yet I am considered someone who has 'underlying health conditions'

Right from the beginning of all the outbreak and resulting mania surrounding H1N1, I didn't have to struggle with conflicting thoughts as to whether I should get the shot or not. I wasn't going to. On Friday the local Health Authority conducted an on-line discussion with a panel of professionals who naturally were recommending the vaccination and if my mind hadn't been made up before it is now as this was a resulting post:

Information from the World Health Organisation:
Can influenza vaccination cause Guillain Barre syndrome? Guillain Barre syndrome (GBS) is a rapidly developing, immune-mediated disorder of the peripheral nervous system that results in muscular weakness. Most people recover completely but some have chronic weakness. It can develop following a variety of infections, including influenza. In people who have been immunized with available vaccines, the frequency of GBS usually is the same as in unvaccinated people.

Extensive studies and data analysis of influenza vaccines have only found a well established causal association with the 1976 vaccine that contained an H1N1 swine-influenza-like virus. No other clear association has been found with either seasonal or other pandemic influenza vaccines.

During the 1976 influenza vaccination campaign, about 10 persons per million vaccinated persons developed GBS. The reason why GBS developed in association with that specific vaccine has never been firmly established. The potential for the development of a similar risk with future vaccines can never be totally excluded. However, pandemic influenza vaccines are manufactured according to established standards, and are similar to recent well-studied influenza vaccines that have shown no association with GBS. Surveillance after vaccines have been sold (post-marketing surveillance) is being conducted to look for potential developments of serious adverse events. Safety monitoring systems are an integral part of strategies for the implementation of the new pandemic influenza vaccines.

Thanks, no thanks. I'll take my chances with the flu.
(I am in no way trying to encourage/discourage anyone else from having the vaccine)

I can't help it, I love this:

Priorities People
(Warning: this post contains mostly dog and food palaver so feel free to bypass it altogether)

Lately I have been immersing myself in trying to cook new recipes. (I might have mentioned this before so I apologize if I bore the pants of some of you by blogging about cooking again.) Some of these recipes are healthy whilst others are quite the opposite but they are so sinful and delightful to eat that no one seems to really care; also, Andy and I have been going to the gym quite faithfully so it kind of cancels it out. Sort of.

This weekend was an absolute gormandize of gluttony: Friday night my manager treated the staff to a Chinese banquet at a fantastic restaurant and then I spent Saturday in the kitchen baking a Lasagna, and Apple and Toasted Walnut cake for Andy’s family. I was disappointed that the cake didn’t rise as high as it should, however drizzled with the home-made caramel sauce it went down such a treat with everyone that it didn’t really matter in the end.

Yesterday I didn’t even get out of my pj’s and spent the afternoon making a Hungarian Goulash whilst intermittently reading, chatting on line and watching tv. The only time I left the house was to take Molly for a quick walk (I didn’t even need to get dressed for the outing as I threw on Andy’s rain gear over my pj’s) however the walk wasn’t a success as I feared my little wuss was going to give herself a heart attack over the possibility that a firework just might go off. So back to the house we went, where I got out of the raingear and Molly despairingly went back to her permanent ‘safe place’ during this season of fire-works and unexpected thunder storms.

(Note: Molly’s safe place is currently squished into the side of the couch with her paws practically over her eyes. If we let her she would be in the nook under the stairs for the remainder of firework season which could quite possibly run till New Year’s Day.)

So you’d think that in the middle of all this cooking and eating I’d manage to find time to go to the gym for a desperately needed work-out, but with all the family around and in between cooking and not being able to leave the dog due to her high stress levels, only one of us was able to get to the gym this weekend and that one was Andy. And of course most of what I’ve said is just excuses because I could have got my butt out of bed yesterday morning to go to the gym but the pull of my cozy bed and a snuggle with Molly was just too irresistible. I find I have an incredible guilt complex these days in regard to leaving Molly all day while I’m out at work and I hate leaving her in the night to go out again, but I do go to the gym so long as Alex is at least home with her or Andy and I take it in turns. I just don’t think its fair on her for us to be gone all day and then out again for a few hours at night. Taking her for a quick walk in the morning and evening on work nights just doesn’t cut it.

I will be happy when her granddad gets back from his holiday and they can get back to their daily lunch time walks. (Yes I refer to my father-in-law as Molly's granddad, roll your eyes here if you please.)

I often wonder how mothers with small children can bear to go back to work and leave their babies all day when I have a hard enough time leaving my dog.

To Detox or Not?

My mate Dawn (English Dawn not Longbottom Dawn) and I have been working out on a pretty regular basis and last night we got to chatting about various detox programs. They are promoting one at the gym and Dawn is seriously thinking of trying it out in the new year. Its a program that involves drinking a supplement and costs about £18.

For some time thoughts of doing a detox myself have been at the back of my mind but I waver from week to week. Could I really give up things like chicken and more importantly, diet coke for two-three weeks? The chicken part wouldn't be that hard, however not having a diet coke for that long would surely be a akin to stopping a baby nursing cold turkey. I just don't know if I would be a comparison to the boob or the baby.

However, on Sunday I went all day without a diet coke; it got to be around 8 pm before I really fancied one and if I could go that long, I figured why not last the night - and I did. And it got me to thinking all the more about doing a detox.

I then found a plan that seemed pretty sound with a couple of perks: 1) I wouldn't have to buy and drink any supplements, and 2) I could still eat some of my favourite foods such as natural yogurt and honey, fish and beans and brown rice.

The detox is supposed to be only for one week which is a goal that I think I could talk myself into. After a week, I could see how it goes, because if I could stretch it to two, even better. But I won't be holding my breath.

There are a couple of reasons why I waver when it comes to detoxing:

I can't help but think about the headaches that I've heard come with a detox, primarily in the first week;
It would sure be a lot easier to do this with someone *cough* like my husband;

The one week length could go a long way in my quest to convince Andy to do this with me, as well as the fact he could still eat potatoes as fish and beans aren't something he'd rush to order on a menu; it would certainly be as much of a challenge for him to give up tea/coffee as it would be for me to kick diet coke for a week.

I know a few of you have done this in the past, some more recently and I really admire your strength and stamina. So... what say you, should I give it a go? How many of you bet that I could do this, or more importantly, Andy and I could do it together?

Anniversaries and Goblins

The Friday before last, Andy and I went out for a 'delayed' celebration of our 5th Anniversary. The Beeches is a 5 star restaurant we both adore and once again, it did not disappoint.





(I think I sees me a Connor in the background)

These three photos were taken after we'd gotten back home - full of drink and stuffed to the brim. Andy crashed straight after this photo :)

Yesterday afternoon before the sun went down, I headed over to Sharon's for two reasons: firstly to see her beautiful new kitchen, and two to see the little ghouls that adorned it. The kids looked great and it buoyed me up for the (hopeful) little trick or treaters that might come knocking on our door. Last year we had a total of 6, this year, we had 20.





Its been a great few weeks in the McAllenby Household. I think next year we will have a rockin Halloween Party as its a very real possibility the lovable Fern will be in residence and together she and I could come up with some great ideas, both decoration and costume wise!

Glorious Autumn Days



On Saturday it was such a perfect fall day, we decided to take Molly and her pal Carter for a walk in the woods.

Andy likes any good opportunity to play with his camera and I was feeling quite cheerful so didn't mind being his model. We got some great shots and had a lot of fun into the bargain.



The dogs certainly enjoyed themselves and love nothing more than a good game of hide and seek.


As once previously in Bradley Woods, we found a rope hanging from a large tree and thought we would have a laugh swinging from it; we knew that Molly loves this game from the previous time we played and as this rope wasn't rigged up for sitting in we figured there was less chance of getting our arses nipped (a lesson we learned the hard way). My arms were killing me at one point, but there was no way I was letting go. It was so amusing how Molly was just so focused on that rope swing, whilst Carter could care less and just happily foraged in the bushes looking for wood or possibly a lasagna to much on!



My Handsome Englishman

It would be great if every weekend was like this however if they were I suppose we wouldn't appreciate them nearly as much.

Superman must have been a good omen

It might be a cliche, but I have to be truthful here: My wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life.

It wasn't stressful or full of pressure the way a lot of weddings can be; I mean what bride would not have a sylist booked months in advance and spend the glorious morning of her wedding walking around town with her sisters and friends laughing and chatting while trying to find a stylist to curl her hair? (I did have a back up plan called Fern, just in case).

I remember opening the door to Cat, who was grinning, two beers in each hand as she announced she was there to paint my nails; and Dawn, sitting in the bathroom window with a big ugly mask on staring down at the guys frolicking in the pool, waiting for them to look up. (Sounds like a wedding straight out the Beverly Hillbillies eh?)

I treasure the moment when mom and the girls were all with me in our room, helping me into my dress and drinking champagne.

I loved the look on my dad's face (and the tears in his eyes) when he saw me in my dress for the first time and proudly walked me past the 75 waiting people in attedance towards a beaming Andy.

I loved saying I do to the best man I have ever known: My husband.

Happy 5th Anniversary Andy.

Because I love words

Today is National Poets Day. In honour of this I will post one of my favourite poems. Feel free to share your favourites with me.

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud
by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.